I recently led a couple of workshops on emotional intelligence and assertive communication for some of my San Francisco Bay Area clients. One of the HR Directors asked me if I could write up some of the techniques and tools we covered in my “Emotionally Intelligent Conversations” workshop.
The following are some techniques and tips you can use for having fierce conversations at work, particularly difficult conversations that have to deal with conflict or lack of trust. I often suggest these ideas when coaching clients who are having trust issues and in conflict with each other. Clients have found them to be very powerful and effective. The following are some proven ideas to help you engage in assertive and emotionally intelligent conversations.Start Having Fierce Conversations
Real conversations begin with you. You must “be the change you want,” modeling how you want others to behave.
The art of fierce conversations is an evolving practice — one that must be initiated and repeated on an ongoing basis. You must practice before you can get better.
Provoke learning
Learning cannot occur in a conversation unless both parties agree to non-judgmentally explore all sides of an issue.
One common error occurs when you’re entering into a conversation with a fixed agenda, such as trying to persuade someone to alter his or her point of view. You cannot effectively influence people until you know where they’re coming from, and this requires research and preparation.
a. Begin with an open mind and the willingness to step out of judgment mode.
b. Make a clear and succinct statement that describes the behavior or issue from your point of view.
c. Proceed with an invitation, such as: “Please tell me what’s going on from where you sit. I want to understand your perspective and learn your thoughts.”
Many of us ruin a conversation by yammering for too long about our own perspective, without giving the other person a chance to respond. And as soon as the other person says something with which we disagree, we jump back in, giving more examples and trying to build a stronger case. The person on the receiving end will tune out or go into defensive mode, ending the possibility of having a meaningful conversation.
a. Stop talking and start listening. When necessary, let silence happen.
b. Facilitate openness by asking questions non-judgmentally.
Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches are hired to provide interpersonal communication skills and leadership development for organizational leaders? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders improve their interpersonal communication skills? Leaders at all levels need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence competence.
One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “Am I willing to begin with an open mind and step out of judgment mode?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations, provide executive coaching and communications skills training for leaders who want to have fierce conversations and be fully engaged and happy at work.
Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-i CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you create an organizational culture where the ability to communicate and collaborate with people through having fierce conversations is an essential leadership competency. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.
I am currently accepting new executive coaching, career coaching, and leadership consulting clients. I work with both individuals and organizations. Call 415-546-1252 or send an inquiry e-mail to mbrusman@workingresources.com.About Dr. Maynard Brusman
Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders. Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.
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