Working Resources for Leadership - Bay Area Executive Coaching

Stress in America - What’s Causing Stress in America?

The American Psychological Association (APA), published the results of its' annual Stress in America survey in January, 2012. http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2011/final-2011.pdf

The Stress in America survey, which was conducted online by Harris Interactive on behalf of APA among 1,226 U.S. residents in August and September, showed that many Americans consistently report high levels of stress (22 percent reported extreme stress, an 8, 9 or 10 on a 10-point scale where 1 is little or no stress and 10 is a great deal of stress). While reported average stress levels have dipped slightly since the last survey (5.2 on a 10-point scale vs. 5.4 in 2010) many Americans continue to report that their stress has actually increased over time (39 percent report their stress has increased over the past year and 44 percent say their stress has increased over the past 5 years). Yet stress levels exceed people’s own definition of what is healthy, with the mean rating for stress of 5.2 on a 10-point scale— 1.6 points higher than the stress level Americans reported as healthy.

The Stress in America survey paints a picture of a nation at a critical crossroads when it comes to stress and health. Overall, Americans appear to be caught in a vicious cycle where they manage stress in unhealthy ways, and seemingly insurmountable barriers prevent them from making the lifestyle or behavioral changes necessary for good health. Findings from the 2011 survey found that several groups of people in particular — caregivers and those living with chronic illness — are at heightened risk of experiencing serious consequences of stress that is too high and appears to be taking a toll on their emotional and physical health.

Overall, people seem to recognize that stress can have an impact on health and well-being, but they do not necessarily take action to prevent stress or manage it well. The Survey findings also suggest that time management may be a significant barrier preventing people from taking the necessary steps to improve their health. The good news: there appears to be a growing understanding about the impact of stress in general and an increased value placed on effectively managing it.

What’s Causing Stress in America?

Money, work and the economy continue to be the most frequently cited causes of stress for Americans, as they have every year for the past 5 years. In addition, a growing number of Americans are citing personal health and their family’s health as a source of stress.

Significant sources of stress include:

• money (75 percent)
• work (70 percent),
• the economy (67 percent),
• relationships (58 percent),
• family responsibilities (57 percent),
• family health problems (53 percent)
• personal health concerns (53 percent)
• job stability (49 percent)
• housing costs (49 percent) and
• personal safety (32 percent).

As we seek to understand the impact of stress on Americans, it is critical that we explore systemic and individual solutions that can help people better understand and manage their stress so that they can improve their quality of life.

I believe learning effective ways to become more stress resilient in our fast-paced, socially-networked, constantly changing, and potentially dangerous world is a core competency for health, success, and happiness. 

Working with a seasoned consulting psychologist and executive coach trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating instrumented assessments such as The Stress Profiler and BarOn EQi can help your become more stress resilient. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become happily engaged with the strategy and vision of the company.

About Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to mbrusman@workingresources.com, or call 415-546-1252.

 

 

 

 

Stories Create Our Reality

Story Power

I taught a self-management class for fifteen years, and work with scores of coaching clients to improve their self-management. One critical insight that I’ve observed over the years is that the happiest people construct their reality by telling themselves positive stories.

I manage my own life by taking time to reflect on the stories I’m telling myself about people and events. I’ve learned that by changing my internal narrative and becoming less reactive my personal and business life is more fulfilling. We interact with people and events, but have choice over how we explain our experiences to ourselves and others.

Humans are wired to create and tell stories. Our brains continuously look for explanations to the events around us. Whatever we encounter, whether random or planned, forces our minds to impose a chronology and apply cause-and-effect logic.

“We automatically, and often unconsciously, look for an explanation of why things happen to us, and ‘stuff just happens’ is no explanation,” according to psychologist Justin Barrett, a senior researcher at Oxford University’s Centre for Anthropology & Mind.

We use stories to find meaning amid chaos. This is how we organize and give context to our experiences. Facts are meaningless until we create a story around them. As business consultant Annette Simmons writes in The Story Factor (Basic Books, 2006), “People don’t need new facts—they need a new story.” In most cases, these stories matter more than what actually happens.

We tell our stories constantly, even when we’re unaware of doing so. They reflect issues with our work, family, overall happiness, and personal strengths and weaknesses. Each story has a theme, hero, villain and conflict, and the way we communicate it involves both verbal and nonverbal communication.

Because we alone craft our stories, we may as well make them as inspiring as possible, suggest leadership coach Rosamund Stone Zander and Boston Philharmonic Orchestra Conductor Benjamin Zander, authors of The Art of Possibility (Harvard Business School Press, 2000).

Consequences of Negative Stories

Some of our internal stories are so tragically inaccurate that they lead to stress and burnout:

• “It’s a competitive, cutthroat world out there.”
• “If I don’t look out for No. 1, nobody else will.”
• “The world is moving too fast for me these days.”
• “I’d love to spend time with my family, but I have to work.”
• “If I’m not the first person at work and the last to leave, I’ll be viewed as a slacker.”
• “I'd exercise and eat better, if only I wasn’t so busy.”
• “I’m smarter than most people at work, so I don’t need to prepare, train or worry.”

A USA Today survey reveals that one in six employees is so overworked that he/she doesn’t use up allotted annual vacation time (even though Americans receive the fewest vacation days in the industrialized world).

Another survey shows:

• 34% of workers report that they have no downtime at work.
• 32% eat lunch while working.
• 32% never leave the building until they head home.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development for emotionally intelligent leaders? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders develop executive presence?  Leaders with highly developed executive presence tap into their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills to fully engage employees and customers.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “What are my faulty stories that I tell myself self over and over again?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for collaborative leaders who value work/life balance.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you create a culture where all employees are fully engaged and work/life balance is an important value. You can become a leader with executive presence who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist, executive coach and trusted advisor to senior leadership teams. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to mbrusman@workingresources.com, or call 415-546-1252.

Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com  

Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

 

 

Business New Year's Commitments – For Leaders and Lawyers

“In this ‘lull’ before New Year's, spend an hour a day thinking about your business and/or talking about it with a significant other or trusted colleague. Don't think about how to fix, repair, or commit to remedial work. Instead, focus on what you're already very good at and how to capitalize on that strength. We all grow by building on strengths, not by trying to metamorphose every weakness into idealized perfection. We're all imperfect. Success trumps perfection. Happy New Year! ” – Alan Weiss

 

The New Year always holds such promise: new ideas and plans to help us succeed. We review the past for what we have learned and create an intention for innovating new and exciting possibilities.

Inspiring leaders strategically plan to "re-invent" themselves, and successfully lead and transform their organizations into creating that future. They create a purpose-driven culture where people enjoy meaningful work and are fully engaged.

With another year quickly coming to an end, I started thinking about New Year’s Resolutions and what enlightened business owners and solo entrepreneurs can resolve to change and be more successful next year. Instead of New Year's Resolutions, make New Year's Commitments. Write them down, commit to them and then create an action plan for achieving your commitments. The following are my top twelve commitments in no particular order to help you and your business thrive in the New Year.

1.  Create a Clear Vision

Every entrepreneur needs to focus attention on the big picture of the business in order to successfully grow. During uncertain economic times, the urge to get back in the business rather than work on the business is powerful. But thriving businesses are sustained when the owner drives the direction of the business allowing for flexibility and transformation. Clarity of one’s vision propels action and makes you “unstoppable.”

2.  Shift Your Brain

For resolutions to occur, the goal -- the external measurement of change -- starts with an internal mindset shift. Cultivate optimism, learning agility and forward thinking.

3.  Belief Influences Behavior

Self-awareness begins with paying attention to your thought process which can inform why you acted in a certain manner. Change your thinking. Tell yourself a different story about what’s possible.

4.  Be Fully Present

Be authentic with your customers, clients and employees. Concentrate like a laser on what she or he is saying. Engage completely in the conversation. Resist any temptation to get distracted.

5.  Positivity Prevails

Research in positive psychology and happiness has found that the highest performing work terms, marriages and relationships all have at least five positive interactions/comments to one negative, so track the positivity ratio in your professional environment. Why does it matter so much? When you are under 3:1, work teams and offices devolve into low morale, little creativity and weak relationships, while being at 5:1 or above ensures superior performance, higher profits, good worker health, better solutions, and superior outcomes. Maintaining a 3:1 positivity ratio of positive thoughts to negative emotions creates a tipping point between languishing and flourishing.

6. Think Big

Create a business, marketing or action plan. Set goals and make sure everything is in writing. Find an accountability partner to help you stay focused and on track.

7.  Plan, Don't Wish

Surround yourself with people who are open minded, work toward the greater good, and are willing   to help and support you. Find ways to collaborate on projects. Cultivate abundance.

8.  Improve Your Money Mindset

Are you a poverty or prosperity thinker? If you have any negative thoughts toward money hidden in   your subconscious, you could be sabotaging your own business success. Take a few minutes each day to remove negative thoughts about money and self-worth. Then, reprogram your money mindset for building self-confidence, abundance and wealth. The first sale is to yourself!

9.  Become a Thought Leader

Delve deeply into your chosen niche and become the expert of choice. Your name must become synonymous with your area of knowledge, just as Kleenex represents all tissue products. Build your own unique brand.

10.  Invest in Yourself

Take care of yourself and invest in continued improvement. Just like investing money, you need to "pay yourself first". Carve out time each day to exercise or work on personal growth before you tackle your work challenges. Read at least one business book, listen to an audio book, follow a blog, and/or participate in a webinar or teleseminar every month.

11.  Create an Attitude of Gratitude

I believe the key to happiness and success in life and work is to be thankful for the gifts you have received.  Appreciating others and saying thank you is good for your health and business. A large body of research on positive psychology and happiness suggests that developing an attitude of gratitude can improve psychological, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being.

12.  Ignite Leadership and Thrive

Creating your best year yet will be greatly increased when businesses focus on building more resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back and recover after adversity.

1. Be clear on your goals and take daily action on each goal.
2. Build your team, resolve conflict and strengthen relationships.
3. Learn from the past and celebrate successes.

Millions of business people make New Year resolutions, determined to change their business practices. By the end of the first week in January, many have broken them and by the middle of the month, most have forgotten them completely.

When we look at New Year Resolutions, they are focused on changing some perceived weaknesses, rather than reflecting on a compelling vision based on core values that underpin our purpose and mission. Dare to dream and take massive action to create positive change.

As you can see, there are plenty of ideas and resources to help you achieve the success you're striving for in the New Year. What are you committed to creating in the New Year? Take some time to focus on what you really want and make it happen. The choice is yours.

As I am reflecting again on this past year and inventing the future, I want to take this special moment to truly thank YOU for your readership and wish you a healthy, peaceful and prosperous New Year. I am looking forward to helping you achieve greater success.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development for enlightened leaders? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help inspirational leaders develop an emotionally intelligent business environment?  Enlightened leaders tap into their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills to fully engage employees.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “What strength am I going to capitalize on to improve business in the New Year?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for collaborative leaders who are curious about creating sustainable businesses.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you create a happy and sustainable company or law firm where everyone is motivated and fully engaged. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist, executive coach and trusted advisor to senior leadership teams. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to mbrusman@workingresources.com, or call 415-546-1252.

Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com  

Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

 

 

 

 

How to Create an Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. - Melody Beattie

Happiness and Success

I believe the key to happiness and success in life and work is to be thankful for the gifts you have received. You tap into positive energy and generate optimism about future possibilities.

It starts with being grateful and a prosperity mindset. Abundance will flow into your life and work when gratitude flows from your heart. You will experience more joy, love, peace, and happiness.

Gratitude Mindfulness

Appreciating others and saying thank you is good for your health and peace of mind. A large body of research on positive psychology and happiness suggests that developing an attitude of gratitude can improve psychological, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being.

Recent research indicates that people who frequently feel grateful have increased energy, more optimism, increased social connections and more happiness than those that do not. Grateful people are less likely to be anxious, depressed, self-absorbed and greedy or suffer from substance abuse. They are economically better off, sleep better, exercise more regularly, and are more resilient.

The research is part of the “positive psychology” movement which focuses on strengths. Cultivating gratitude is a form of cognitive –behavioral therapy focusing on changing peoples’ thought patterns which can positively affect their moods.

As simple as it sounds, gratitude is actually a complex emotion that requires self-reflection, humility and empathy for others. Being grateful requires a shift in mind-set from negativity and blaming others focusing on problems, annoyances or perceived injustices to appreciating and giving credit to others.

Gratitude is essentially being aware of and thankful for the good things in our lives. We consider the things for which we are grateful; we count our “blessings.”

Psychological research indicates that the experience of gratitude makes us happy, and that the regular experience of gratitude can actually enable us to elevate our typical level of happiness in a sustained way. It takes regular practice to become a healthy habit.

Imagine intentionally focusing on the things in your life for which you are grateful. These might include significant relationships, your own achievements, or the contributions others have made in helping you accomplish your goals, small kindnesses from loved ones or even just the experience of sitting quietly for a while without the intrusion of your phone or Blackberry.

Gratitude increases well-being because it promotes the savoring of positive experiences. When we contemplate our “blessings” we squeeze the most out of these experiences. We stop taking things for granted and notice small things with a sense of wonder and appreciation. Gratitude allows us to get the most from the good things in our lives.

Count Your Blessings

To whom in the past are you grateful? Someone who gave you a break, someone who cared about you, inspired you, believed in you, or someone who simply listened to you? Have you ever sought them out to personally thank them?

For whom are you grateful for in your life right now? Have you let them know lately how much you appreciate them? A simple warm-hearted thank you can make someone’s day and lift your spirits.

Gratitude is quite simply an attitude or conscious choice. The one thing we can always choose each day, in any situation, is our attitude. We always have the ability to choose an attitude of gratitude.

One great benefit of a gratitude attitude is you become much more aware of the abundance you already have in your life. Another great benefit of a gratitude attitude is you often attract even more abundance into your life.

Have you ever noticed that what you focus on tends to be what happens? When we focus on our blessings it’s much easier to look out for others as well as ourselves.

If you intentionally try to focus on your “blessings” you’ll likely notice that it is impossible to simultaneously feel negative emotions. I experienced this during the San Francisco Loma Prieta earthquake when I lost many of my possessions. The acts of kindness of so many people shifted my thinking to appreciation of what truly mattered, and not things that could be replaced. My entire experience of the event was instantly transformed when I focused on those things for which I was eternally thankful.

Gratitude Research

Research demonstrates that people who experience relatively more positive emotions (joy, love, confidence) than negative (anger, fear, anxiety) are more successful and accomplished in various areas of their lives.
They:

• Enjoy more satisfying and longer marriages
• Develop more close friendships
• Build more cooperative, charitable and helpful relationships
• Earn higher income
• Achieve more productivity at work
• Get better work performance evaluations
• Receive better manager ratings
• Engage in richer social interactions
• Express more self-confidence
• Create more resilience
• Demonstrate more creativity
• Experience more energy and “flow”
• Exude better physical health
• Live longer lives

Psychological research indicates that these characteristics are not simply associated with happiness. Experiencing more positive emotion actually leads to this success.

Gratitude Exercises

Many of the people I’ve coached have experimented with gratitude exercises and found them to have a significant positive impact on their professional and personal lives. Successful people are self-aware and take action.

You might consider using the present moment as an opportunity for such an experiment. Here are seven methods that research indicates can have sustained positive effects:

1. Keep a gratitude journal. Note one to three good things that happened during the day and be specific. Post your intention on Facebook or Twitter. There’s even an iPod app for gratitude journaling!

2. Find a “gratitude accountability buddy”. Swap gratitude lists with a friend or co-worker; acknowledging where gratitude is due will keep it from sounding like bragging.

3. Watch your language. Using disparaging self-talk reinforces negative thinking. Don’t gossip.

4. Practice mindfulness. Several times a day, pause and focus on the sounds, smells, touches around you.

5. Take the time to savor all experiences. Smell the coffee and roses.

6. Count your blessings not sheep when going to sleep. Review events and people to be grateful for and let go of the rest.

7. Go on a gratitude visit. Write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who has made a positive difference in your life, but whom you never properly thanked.

Creating an attitude of gratitude at home and work can make everyone happier. Even small boosts in positive emotions can make life more fulfilling and satisfying and the world a more peaceful place.

So what are you thankful for? What’s good about your life? Be sincerely grateful. What dream do you want to create at home and at work? Trust it is possible and get excited about the possibility. It takes positive energy, a clear vision and massive action.

Thank You for Your Readership!

Are you working in a law firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development for senior leaders? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders develop a more sustainable business? Expressing gratitude and appreciation helps enlightened leaders tap into their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills to fully engage employees.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “Do I regularly express gratitude and say thank you?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for collaborative leaders who create sustainable businesses.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you create a happy and prosperous business where everyone is fully engaged. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist, executive coach and trusted advisor to senior leadership teams. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, engage, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

Dr. Maynard Brusman
Consulting Psychologist and Executive Coach
Box 471525 San Francisco, California 94147-1525
Tel: 415-546-1252
E-mail: mbrusman@workingresources.com
Web Site: http://www.workingresources.com
Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com.

Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

 

 

 

How to Manage Holiday Stress

Coping With the Holiday Blues

For many people the holidays are the saddest time of the year. The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, warmth, excitement and anticipation of the year ahead, and for some people this is indeed the case. But many of us live most of the time with unresolved conflicts, loneliness, a need to be understood and loved—and the holidays only serve to exacerbate our private feelings of quiet desperation. Some of the problems and emotions, which we hold in check during most months of the year, tend to surface during the holidays.

In our society we define the holidays as the time of year when everyone should be happy, busy, energetic, spending money for those they love, and sharing wonderful feelings. It’s the time for family togetherness and for friends to share in the spirit of the season. We tend to idealize this time of the year, and it is not hard to understand why—we are constantly bombarded with messages of joy and celebration through advertising (businesses usually have a higher sales volume this time of the year than any other). And our religious and cultural traditions also tell us that this is the season for love, togetherness, celebration, and positive personal and interpersonal feelings. From all around the message comes to us loud and clear: Be Happy!

But does this all-pervasive message lift us to a happy place? Sometimes it does. Just as often, though, the message serves as a painful reminder that things may not be all that they should be in our lives. Rather than yielding to the positive spirit of the season, we may experience a nagging feeling that things are not right, that this is just a cover-up that we ultimately feel lonely deep down inside. We may even see hypocrisy around us ... and resent it. Unfortunately, many face these more negative feelings about the holidays in silence. It may be difficult to find anyone who is willing to listen to this darker view of the holidays, or to validate it. (The irony in this situation, however, is that if we were able to express our negativity about the holidays more freely and with the support of others, we would not feel so alone and the holidays could indeed be a time of interpersonal warmth and joy!)

The holidays put a strain on most people. The financial burden of the holidays is more than many people can bear—you might find yourself spending more money than you should, and this in itself can cast an unsettling pall on the season. (Hint: look closely at your budget and weigh your expenditures against the real value of the gifts. You may discover that making some inexpensive but personally meaningful handmade gifts for other people may come closer to the true spirit of the holidays.) In addition, the holidays can create a physical burden. We tend to increase our stress levels when we deal with crowds of shoppers under pressure, when everything has to be done by a certain date, when we have to attend more than the normal number of social events, when we drink, when we don’t take the time to exercise, and when we overeat. All of these factors can make us feel out of control, helpless, and certainly down.

A large part of the burden of the holidays is linked to emotional factors. We tend to expect too much from the holidays: an idealized celebration, just the right gifts, a perfect meal, warmth and love from our family and friends, and hearing from long-lost friends. We set ourselves up for disappointment when our expectations are unrealistic. And many families have unresolved conflicts, which can become more apparent during the holidays, mainly because this is when families often spend time together. Misunderstandings and conflict can ignite quickly under the pressure of the holidays, especially when family members and friends fail to communicate their expectations adequately. The holidays can be especially difficult when we don’t adapt to change: sometimes the holidays remind us of people who are no longer present in our lives, and this can lead to great loneliness and sadness ... which are magnified all the more when we see others having a good time.

The holiday blues come upon us when we feel overwhelmed and helpless to do anything about it. We feel that there is so much to do, so many people to deal with, so many deadlines, so much money to spend—and there are just not enough resources to accomplish everything. We feel that we should be happy and excited, yet there is this nagging knowledge that the pressures on us are just too great and that our expectations will not be realized. We long for fulfillment, especially at this time of the year. We need comfort, nurturance, and belonging. Many of us live with our frustrations much of the time, most of the year, and they stay generally under control—but the holidays seem to make everything large. The holiday blues are a normal and expected response to stress, loss, unresolved conflicts, and unfulfilled promises ... experiences most of us have. The blues during the holidays can serve as a warning that things may not always be right in our lives and that we need to examine the way we live. In that sense the holiday blues can actually be a wonderful gift, spurring us to take control over the important personal issues which deserve our real attention.

Rather than stressing out this holiday season, vow to make things easy on yourself so that you can capture the real joy and happiness that can come at this time of the year. If you start to feel down in the dumps, it helps to accept the fact that this is part of the human condition. The holidays accentuate many feelings, both positive and negative. Comfort yourself and share your private feelings with people who will understand and support you. This holiday season open yourself to the love that is within you and all around you. Celebrate life and celebrate it well.

Dysthymia, Depression and the Holiday Blues   

Many people experience the holiday blues. This is usually a temporary condition and should be distinguished from depression, which is longer lasting and usually has more serious symptoms. Depression is persistent and usually interferes with one’s work, friendships, family life and physical health. Depressive episodes usually last several months and they can recur throughout a person’s lifetime. Common symptoms of depression include despair, guilt, unending misery, low self-esteem, self-destructive thoughts, irritability, a feeling of helplessness, difficulty in concentrating and making decisions, loss of interest in life and an inability to experience pleasure. There may also be physical symptoms such as fatigue, loss of appetite, insomnia (or sometimes overeating and oversleeping), as well as pain and other bodily complaints.

Dysthymia, or low-level depression, has many characteristics in common with the holiday blues, although, again, the holiday blues are temporary. Dysthymia by definition is an overwhelming but chronic state of depression, which lasts at least two years. It is less disabling than major depression so that many of those with dysthymia are able to hold jobs and maintain an adequate interpersonal life. It occurs twice as often in women as it does in men and symptoms usually first appear in adolescence or young adulthood. Although the symptoms are usually not as severe as those of major depression, it is a serious condition and, if not treated, can actually lead to major depression. In the absence of any other cause for these symptoms, the dysthymic person is one who has had at least two of the following symptoms for two years:

• Poor appetite or overeating
• Insomnia or oversleeping
• Fatigue or low energy
• Low self-esteem
• Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions
• Feelings of hopelessness

The holiday blues can be characterized by any of these symptoms of dysthymia, but they are usually limited to the holiday season. The holiday blues also may bring on irritability, angry blowups, excessive brooding, difficulty finding pleasure in life, guilt, and avoiding other people. Whenever you find yourself feeling down and rotten over the holiday season, you may well have the holiday blues. The person with dysthymia is of course more prone to experiencing these symptoms during the holidays, but the holiday blues can hit anyone—dysthymic, depressed, or not.

Fortunately, and the news is good, all three of these conditions are treatable with psychotherapy and other therapeutic modalities. Gaining insight into your life circumstances, talking to a supportive and objective listener, gaining the understanding of other people, changing the way you think about and deal with your problems, communicating differently, moving from despair to finding meaning in your life—all of these things can happen in therapy, and the sufferer can gain relief from these debilitating feelings (and this may be the greatest gift of all for the holiday season).

How to Keep the Blues Away
And Have a Joyful Holiday . . .

Here are some strategies you can adopt to keep the blues at bay and to make the most of the holiday season:

# Be realistic. The picture-perfect holiday gathering is usually just that: a picture that we see often in the media. However, it does not characterize most families. Try to keep your expectations of the holidays in line with the true circumstances of your life, and celebrate the joy of what you have rather than the unattainable joy of what you wish you had. Holiday traditions must change over the years, just as the participants change: clinging to old expectations and trying to recreate old feelings which are now part of your memories can contribute to a blue holiday. On the other hand, you should continue to adhere to those old rituals which are realistic.

# Openly acknowledge your feelings. If you are feeling down at the time of the holidays, give yourself permission to bring these feelings into your life. It’s natural to feel the loss of, and to grieve, those people and experiences that are no longer a part of your life. Allow yourself to see the holidays as a time of reflection as well as a celebration of what your life is now. Some people even like to make a list or keep a journal of all they are grateful for. 

# Seek Out Support. If you feel isolated and lonely, seek out support from friends, the community, religious organizations, therapy, and other sources that can provide you with companionship and understanding during the holidays. You may even want to volunteer your services at a religious or community function. This is an effective way of involving yourself in activities which will brighten your holidays and allow you to meet new people.

# Set Your Conflicts Aside. Acceptance can be a powerful ally. Rather than frustrating yourself with the hope that your differences with family members and friends will go away during the holidays, try to accept people just as they are. Leave your old grievances and discussions about unresolved feelings aside and save them for a more appropriate time. The holidays are stressful enough without introducing even more conflict into the situation.

# Find a Calendar and Make a Schedule. Make a list of everything you need to do for the holidays and then assign certain dates for accomplishing them. Don’t leave it all till the end and don’t plan to do more than you can comfortably accomplish. And be sure to schedule time for comfort, relaxation and solitude. This will provide you with a feeling of control over the situation and the feeling that things are not hopeless. It helps, too, to go over your budget and not to spend more than you can realistically afford.

# Stay Healthy. You are far less likely to feel overwhelmed during the holidays if you exercise and get your normal amount of sleep. Don’t feel pressured to eat and drink too much just because it’s the holiday season. Take care of yourself and make the holidays a true celebration of life and all it can be.

Do the Holidays Make You SAD?

Many people become sluggish and gloomy as the days of winter approach, a condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder (or SAD). This may have nothing to do with the holidays at all, although they do coincidentally occur at this time of the year. The prevalence of SAD increases the further north one lives: about 2% of the population of Florida suffers from SAD, while the incidence is about 9% in Alaska. Seasonal depression seems to be related to the length of the days and changes in the availability of sunlight. Changes occur in our bodies as a response to the shortening of the days, somewhat in the same way that some animals go into hibernation in the winter. More than three-fourths of those who suffer from SAD are women, and most are in their twenties, thirties and forties.

SAD is a serious depression that recurs each year at the same time. It starts in the fall and ends in the spring. The symptoms are similar to those of major depression: lethargy, anxiety, sadness, irritability, concentration difficulty, withdrawal into solitude, and loss of interest in life. Some people with SAD may feel self-destructive. Also many experience an excessive need to sleep, increased appetite and a weight gain of as much as ten pounds.

Fortunately, this very debilitating condition can be treated. Nobody deserves a SAD holiday.

A Wellness Tip: If you have a history of SAD, in addition to therapy, plan ahead to remember to keep more lights on in your home and workplace. Replace standard light bulbs with “full spectrum” bulbs which are usually available at your local lighting or hardware store.
 
Wishing you joy and a celebration of the wonders of life this holiday season.

Working Resources is a Strategic Talent Management and Executive Coaching Firm Helping Innovative Companies and Law Firms Assess, Select, Coach, Engage and Retain Emotionally Intelligent Leaders; Executive Coaching; Leadership Development; Performance-Based Interviewing; Competency Modeling; Succession Management; Career Coaching and Leadership & Team Building Retreats

Dr. Maynard Brusman
Consulting Psychologist and Executive Coach
Trusted Advisor to Senior Leadership Teams
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Leadership Coaching for Mindful Leaders: Self-Awareness is Key to Leadership

Mindful Leaders

Are you working in a company or law firm where leaders are self-aware? Do leaders in your company or law firm have a calm and reassuring presence under pressure?

One of the most powerful questions one can ask is “Does our company culture support the importance of leaders' self-reflection?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent leaders know themselves and how they impact others.

Mindfulness

Most business books focus on how leaders can achieve more. How can you do more, better…and faster? This post takes the opposite tack: how and why, as leaders, you should sit and be still. How do your leadership skills benefit when you take time to quiet your mind and simply sit and be still?
 
Psychologist Daniel Goleman, an authority on emotional intelligence in organizations, calls this the leadership paradox in Primal Leadership: “For leaders, the first task in management has nothing to do with leading others; step one poses the challenge of knowing and managing oneself.”

This includes:

• Connecting with deep values that guide
• Imbuing actions with meaning
• Aligning emotions with goals
• Keeping ourselves motivated
• Keeping ourselves focused and on task

When we act in accord with these inner measures, we feel good about what we do. Our emotions become contagious. When we, as leaders, feel positive, energized and enthusiastic about our work, so do those we influence.

Honing the skills of awareness leads to mindfulness—becoming aware of what’s going on inside and around us on several levels. Mindfulness is living in a state of full, conscious awareness of one’s whole self, other people and the context in which we live and work.

Before you dismiss mindfulness as New Age rhetoric, pay attention to the research. Recent studies in management science, psychology and neuroscience point to the importance of developing mindfulness and experiencing meditation.

Working with a seasoned executive coach trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating leadership assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-i and CPI 260 can help you become an inspiring and mindful leader. You can become a leader or follower who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become happily engaged and aligned with the vision and mission of your company or law firm.

I am currently accepting new executive coaching and career coaching clients. I work with both individuals and organizations. Call 415-546-1252 or send an inquiry e-mail to mbrusman@workingresources.com.

Working Together With Your Boss – First Understand Yourself

Working Together With Your Boss

Are you working in a happy company or law firm where employees are empowered to manage upward? Do the leaders in your organization remove any workplace obstacles so that employees can be effective and get things done? Does your company or law firm have boss-subordinate relationships that are open and honest?

One of the most powerful questions one can ask is “Does our organizational culture encourage direct two-way communication between the boss and managers?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent leaders pay attention to building work relationships where there is no fear of speaking your mind to power and authority.

Are you a leader who models open communication by creating a workplace culture and climate where the workforce is fully engaged and happy? Are you able to create a high performance workplace where teams can achieve their goals aligned with the organizations’ vision? Does management encourage employees to manage upward?

Understanding Yourself

Developing a functional working relationship requires you to know your personal needs, strengths, weaknesses, and style or preferences.

You’re not going to change your (or your boss’s) basic personality, but you can learn which traits, habits or behaviors impede or facilitate working together. With awareness, you can take actions that make the relationship more valuable.

There are plenty of personality and work-style assessments available. By the time managers reach executive levels, they have more than likely participated in leadership development courses that include tests and surveys. Problems occur when the information gained in these training sessions is not used well. A coach or mentor can help leaders incorporate knowledge and increase performance.

A manager is typically more dependent on the boss than vice versa. This dependence inevitably leads to a degree of frustration and anger when one’s actions or options are constrained by the boss’s decisions. The way in which a manager handles these frustrations largely depends on predispositions toward those who hold authority positions.

Working with a seasoned executive coach trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating leadership assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-i and CPI 260 can help you become an inspiring leader who knows your own strengths and weaknesses and the needs of employees. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become happily engaged with the strategy and vision of your company or law firm.

I am currently accepting new executive coaching and career coaching clients. I work with both individuals and organizations. Call 415-546-1252 or send an inquiry e-mail to mbrusman@workingresources.com.

 

Executive Coaching for Managing Your Boss – Getting Things Done By Managing Upward

Managing Your Boss

Are you working in a happy company or law firm where employees feel comfortable managing upward? Do the leaders in your organization have a healthy mindset about employees’ desire to be effective and get things done? Does your company or law firm have respectful boss-subordinate relationships?

One of the most powerful questions one can ask is “Do we have a healthy organizational culture where there is great two-way communication between the boss and managers?” Emotionally intelligent leaders pay attention to all work relationships.

Are you a leader who models open communication by creating a workplace culture and climate where fully engaged employees can achieve their best? Are you able to create a high performance workplace where employees are fully engaged and aligned with the organizations’ vision? Do organizational leaders encourage employees to manage upward?

Managing Upward

There will always be those who view the concept of managing upward as flattery and manipulation. Others hold the common belief that if bosses are wise, they don’t need to be managed and such efforts will be viewed solely as attempts to play office politics.

But managing upward is not about ambition, promotions or raises. It’s about the job and how to be effective at getting things done. How do you acquire the resources, information and advice you need, as well as the permission to keep moving ahead?

The answers always point to whoever has the power: the boss. Failure to make this relationship one of mutual respect and understanding limits your chances of succeeding.

Here’s a review of key points from a classic Harvard Business Review article originally published in 1990, and it remains pertinent today.“Managing Your Boss” was written by Professors Emeriti John J. Gabarro, PhD, and John P. Kotter, PhD.

Mutual Dependence

Two people can be temperamentally incapable of working together. Personality conflicts occur all the time. But when they happen between bosses and managers, differing personalities are only a small part of the true problem.

People usually have unrealistic assumptions and expectations about the nature of boss-subordinate relationships. They fail to recognize that it’s one of mutual dependency between two fallible human beings, so they avoid managing the relationship altogether or do so ineffectively.

Some managers behave as though their bosses are not dependent on them. They don’t see how much the boss needs their help to do his job efficiently; how their actions can severely hurt him; and how they truly need to be cooperative, dependable and honest.

Other managers see themselves as completely independent of their bosses. They gloss over how much information they need from the boss to perform their jobs well.

A boss can play a critical role in linking managers to the rest of the organization, making sure priorities are consistent with organizational needs and securing necessary resources. But some managers see themselves as self-sufficient.

Other managers assume the boss is a clairvoyant who will magically know which information or help is needed and magically provide it. This is dangerously unrealistic.

Managers must recognize that mutual dependence between two fallible humans requires two components:

1. Having a good understanding of the other person and yourself, especially regarding strengths, weaknesses, work styles and needs

2. Using this information to develop and manage a healthy working relationship—one that is compatible with both individuals’ work styles and assets, is characterized by mutual expectations and meets the other person’s most critical needs.

Working with a seasoned executive coach trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating leadership assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-i and CPI 260 can help you become an inspiring leader who knows your own strengths and weaknesses and the needs of employees. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become happily engaged with the strategy and vision of your company or law firm.

I am currently accepting new executive coaching and career coaching clients. I work with both individuals and organizations. Call 415-546-1252 or send an inquiry e-mail to mbrusman@workingresources.com.

 

Executive Coaching for Creating a Stress Resilient Culture – First Change Leaders Mindsets

Creating a Stress Resilient Culture

Are you working in an innovative organization where leaders model by their words and actions that they care about the well-being of employees? Do the leaders in your organization have a positive mindset about employees’ welfare? Does your company or law firm offer stress resiliency programs for management and employees?

One of the most powerful questions one can ask is “Do I create an optimistic workplace climate full of possibility and maximizing everyone’s potential?” Emotionally intelligent leaders truly care about helping all employees achieve healthy, happy and productive lives.

Are you a leader who models stress resilience by creating a workplace culture and climate where hardworking employees feel appreciated? Are you able to create a high performance workplace where employees are fully engaged and aligned with the organizations’ vision? Do you have an organizational culture which values appreciating all of its employees and the value they add to your enterprise? Do organizational leaders encourage stress prevention and health promotion?

Culture and Climate

An overwhelming number of companies are merely mediocre because they culturally replicate fear-based behaviors, reacting to events rather than proactively driving toward a vision. Far too often, a negative climate of judgment and criticism is created by leaders at the top. Leaders at these companies inhibit human potential and create an atmosphere that leads to less than stellar performance.

Successful companies are most often led by leaders concerned with the well-being and full potential of everyone who works in the organization. Research demonstrates that the most successful companies are led by leaders who are humble, inclusive, inspirational and willing to demonstrate innovative/visionary leadership.

Leaders Mindsets

Human behaviors are often difficult to change, but attitude and cultural adjustments are the only ways to differentiate yourself long term. To have a meaningful effect, leaders’ attitudinal changes must precede actual organizational changes, which ultimately creates social and employee shifts from stress behaviors to optimal performance.

It takes focus and intention to improve corporate culture, instill attitudinal changes in positive thinking and routinely express appreciation. You must find a few actionable principles that truly make a difference and revolutionize workplace culture. You must take specific steps to cascade these principles deep into the company, at every level and into every behavior.

This is a big order, which begins with inspired leadership at the top.

Working with a seasoned executive coach trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating leadership assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-i and CPI 260 can help you become an inspiring leader who shows authentic appreciation and stress resiliency. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become happily engaged with the strategy and vision of your company or law firm.

I am currently accepting new executive coaching and career coaching clients. I work with both individuals and organizations. Call 415-546-1252 or send an inquiry e-mail to mbrusman@workingresources.com.

 

Executive Coaching for Stress Resilience – Creating a Culture of Authentic Appreciation

Authentic Appreciation

Are you working in an enlightened organization where leaders truly care about the emotional health and well-being of employees? Do the leaders in your organization express appreciation on a regular basis? Does your company or law firm offer stress prevention programs for management and employees?

One of the most powerful questions one can ask is “Do I regularly express appreciation to others for their talents and successes?” Emotionally intelligent leaders truly care about helping employees achieve healthy, happy and productive lives.

Are you a leader who models healthy stress management by creating a workplace culture and climate where appreciation is expressed in the moment? Are you able to create a high performance workplace where employees are fully engaged emotionally? Do you have an organizational culture which values appreciating all of its employees on a regular basis? Do organizational leaders encourage stress prevention and wellness?

Resilience

You can decrease stress by creating a positive mental state before or during stressful situations. You can learn specific techniques to refocus your mind before you become stressed. It is possible to reduce the time and energy needed to establish a calm and thoughtful state of mind.

Research studies show appreciation-generating techniques can reduce the production of cortisol (the stress hormone).  Regularly showing appreciation has been demonstrated to lower blood pressure, improve hormonal balance and increase the body’s production of antibodies that fight stress producing pathogens.

Recognizing employee strengths and talents and expressing appreciation are key stress-management components. Coaching and mentoring programs can help companies develop corporate cultures and healthy workplace climates that encourage creativity, productivity, optimal performance and full engagement.

Researchers have found that expressing appreciation in the workplace reduces stress and improves performance. Company leaders can learn to create a mindset of showing appreciation by focusing their attention on what each employee does right in the moment.

Company leaders can experience great joy and fulfillment when they see the faces of employees light up when they feel that management acknowledges their significant contributions. Showing appreciation creates an emotional energy that helps create a happy, productive and stress resilient workforce.  

Working with a seasoned executive coach trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating leadership assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-i and CPI 260 can help you become an inspiring leader who shows authentic appreciation and stress resiliency. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become happily engaged with the strategy and vision of your company or law firm.

I am currently accepting new executive coaching and career coaching clients. I work with both individuals and organizations. Call 415-546-1252 or send an inquiry e-mail to mbrusman@workingresources.com.