San Francisco Bay Area Executive Coaching

Emotionally Intelligent Job-Related Feedback

Emotionally Intelligent Feedback

Are you working in an organization where managers give employees feedback them helps them learn and grow? Do employees at your workplace believe that the feedback they receive is based on observed behavior at work?

I coach a number of managers on how to improve performance by giving behavioral feedback. Emotionally intelligent managers increase worker productivity by giving in the moment feedback that results in improved work place performance.

Myth: Feedback needs to address personal qualities.

Telling employees that they’re doing a “good job” isn’t good enough. Neither are comments about attitudes or efforts. Feedback must be specific and about behaviors, not personal attributes.

No matter how upset you may be, limit feedback to job-related issues, and never criticize someone personally because of an inappropriate action. This is counterproductive, as it evokes strong emotional reactions that bury actual feedback.

The Real Truth: Feedback is effective when it is specific to behaviors and impersonal. Feedback should be descriptive, rather than judgmental or evaluative.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development to help employees be more productive? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders improve performance by giving feedback that focuses on observable job-related behavior? Enlightened leaders use their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills to give feedback that employees perceive as fair and honest.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “Do I give job-related feedback that taps into employees’ intrinsic motivation resulting in increased worker performance and productivity?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for leaders to improve their ability to give feedback limited to job-related issues.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you create a more productive workplace where employees get regular feedback and are happy. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call 415-546-1252.
Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com 
Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

How Managers Create “Flow” Experiences

Flow States

Are you working in an organization where managers help employees enter into flow states to be more productive? Do employees at your workplace believe that their managers help create a workplace where flow states are nourished?

I coach a number of managers on how to creatively encourage flow states to increase performance. Emotionally intelligent managers increase worker productivity by helping their people achieve flow states resulting in improved work place performance.

Myth: Happiness leads to “flow” experiences.

When you are deeply involved in your work, nothing else seems to matter. You lose track of time—a state known as flow. Smart managers know that flow is a particularly fertile work condition.

Flow experiences are periods of deep concentration during which workers report feelings of gratitude and satisfaction. Can managers take steps to create this state? Absolutely.

To enter into flow, employees must be:

•  Challenged
•  Goal-directed
•  Provided with feedback
•  Allowed total concentration and creativity

Flow will materialize only when managers give their employees sufficiently challenging tasks and the necessary time to apply creativity without distractions and interruptions.

The Real Truth: Flow is most likely to be experienced at work and requires periods of intense concentration, without distractions. Managers can ensure that working conditions allow such concentration and minimal interruptions.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development to help employees be more productive? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders improve performance by allowing workers time for uninterrupted concentration and creativity? Enlightened leaders need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “How can I create a workplace culture where flow states flourish resulting in increased worker performance and productivity?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for leaders to improve their ability at setting goals.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you create a more productive workplace where employees achieve difficult goals and are happy. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call 415-546-1252.
Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com 
Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

Goal Setting Makes Happy Workers

Goal Setting

Are you working in an organization where managers help employees develop goals to be more productive? Do employees at your workplace believe that company developed goals help them become more productive?

I coach a number of managers on how best to do goal-setting. Emotionally intelligent managers increase worker productivity by helping their people develop goals resulting in improved work place performance.

Myth: Tell employees to do their best, and let them find their own path.

A mountain of evidence shows us that people perform best when they’re given goals:

1. Specific goals increase performance.
2. Difficult goals, when accepted, result in higher performance.
3. Feedback leads to higher performance.

When you give an assignment with instructions to “do your best,” you aren’t providing enough specificity. Employees perform better when they know what needs to be done, the outcomes you seek, and how much effort they’ll need to expend to achieve results.

The Real Truth: A large percentage of employees believe they lack specific goals at work. Clear, challenging goals, accompanied by feedback, set the stage for higher output.
Myth: People want to set their own goals.

In spite of the logic behind participatory management, there’s little evidence to show that goals set in partnership, between employee and manager, are superior to those unilaterally assigned by the boss.

Why wouldn’t people do better with goals they help set?

The explanation may lie in the reality of workplace conditions. For participation to work:
•  There must be adequate time to give input.
•  Issues must be relevant to employees’ interests.
•  Employees must have adequate knowledge and skills to share their insights.
•  The workplace culture must support employee involvement.

These conditions are sorely lacking in many workplaces, despite management’s best intentions. In addition, some people don’t want the responsibilities that come with participation. They prefer to be told what to do and let the boss do the worrying.

The Real Truth: Participation is no sure means for improving employee performance.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development to help employees be more productive? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders improve performance by developing specific goals? Enlightened leaders need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “How can I set specific and difficult goals that increase worker performance and productivity?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for leaders to improve their ability at setting goals.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you create a more productive workplace where employees achieve difficult goals and are happy. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call 415-546-1252.
Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com 
Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

Happy Workers Are Productive Employees- Truth or Fiction?

Productive Employees

Are you working in an organization where managers develop employees to be more productive? Do employees at your workplace believe that company perks help them become more productive?

I coach a number of managers who are surprised that increase happiness and satisfaction at work doesn’t always translate into increased productivity.  Emotionally intelligent managers develop their people resulting in improved work place performance.

Myth - Happy workers are productive workers.

Everyone assumes satisfied workers are naturally more productive. This theory plays out as flexible work hours, onsite childcare and workout facilities, retirement plans and attractive workplaces. While these amenities are nice perks, they really aren’t incentives for high performance.

While there is a correlation between job satisfaction and productivity, it’s actually quite minimal: between +0.14 and +0.30. Thus, no more than 9 percent—or as low as 2 percent—of the variance in output can be attributed to employee satisfaction.

This is hardly enough to justify spending more money on making employees happier and more comfortable. Such benefits may contribute to employee retention, but not to productivity. Moreover, the evidence suggests that productive workers are more likely to be happy workers, rather than the reverse.

Productivity leads to job satisfaction. If you do a good job, you feel positive about your efforts. This, in turn, fuels your energy to accomplish more. Higher productivity should also be recognized with praise, increased pay and the opportunity to earn even greater rewards.

The Real Truth: Evidence suggests productive workers are more likely to be happy workers, rather than the reverse.

Direct your efforts toward helping employees become more productive. Find ways to increase their training, improve job design, provide better tools and resources, and remove barriers that may impede them from doing a first-rate job.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development to help employees be more productive? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders improve their ability to motivate employees to improve performance? Enlightened leaders need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “How can I help develop workers to be more productive?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for leaders to improve their ability at motivating their workforce.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you create a more productive workplace where employees are happy. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call 415-546-1252.
Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com 
Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

How Managers and Organizational Practices Undermine Employee Motivation

Employee Motivation

Are you working in an organization where managers know how to motivate employees? Do employees at your workplace believe they will be justly compensated for a good performance appraisal?

I coach a number of managers who don’t make the effort to know their employees and discover what motivates them to do their best work. Emotionally intelligent managers listen to their employees, and elicit feedback that will improve work place performance.

Myth: People simply lack the motivation to work.

If you believe this myth, think about three things that may be going on in your employees’ minds. Ask yourself:

1. Do your employees believe their maximum efforts will be recognized in performance appraisals?

For many employees, the response is a resounding “no.” Their skill level may be deficient, which means that no matter how hard they try, they’re unlikely to be high performers. Or, if the appraisal system assesses factors like loyalty or initiative, more effort won’t result in a better review. If employees think their best efforts will yield only a mediocre review, they will suffer from low motivation.

2. Do employees believe a good performance appraisal will lead to organizational rewards?

When pay is allocated on seniority or special relationships, employees perceive the performance-reward relationship to be weak and demotivating.

3. Are the rewards that employees receive the ones they want?

Some people want promotions, others desire pay, and still others seek more interesting assignments. When rewards aren’t tailored to employees’ specific wants and motivating drives, then incentives are suboptimized.

To motivate employees, do what’s necessary to strengthen performance-reward relationships. Make it obvious that specific behaviors will be rewarded, and always keep your word to maintain credibility and morale.

The Real Truth: If employees aren’t motivated, the fault lies with their managers and organizational practices—not the workers. If the performance-reward relationship is weak, motivation drops.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development for leaders at all levels? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders improve their ability to motivate employees to improve performance? Today’s leaders need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “Are the rewards that employees receive at my workplace the ones they value?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for leaders to improve their ability at motivating their workforce.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you discover employees’ passion and drive. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call 415-546-1252.
Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com 
Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

How Managers Undermine Employee Performance

Employee Performance

Are you working in an organization where managers know how to motivate people? Are managers held accountable for listening to their employees and addressing any complaints?

I coach a number of managers who consistently complain about certain employees, but don’t take the time or make the effort to address any underlying concerns. Effective managers listen to their employees, and are open to any feedback that will improve workplace performance.

Spend enough time in meetings or the executive lunchroom, and you’re destined to hear your fair share of managers’ complaints about their employees.

But as these leaders vent their frustrations, they’re actually looking in the wrong direction.

Here’s the real truth: If employees aren’t motivated, then we should look to their managers and organizational practices. Those who dismiss their teams’ grievances can sabotage staff performance and bottom-line results.

If you want your employees to perform to their best abilities, take some advice from organizational behavior expert Stephen P. Robbins, PhD, author of The Truth about Managing People (FT Press, 2007). Contrary to much of the misleading, generalized and inconsistent information found in business books, Robbins has researched human behavior and provides practical advice on what works—and what doesn’t—when managing a team.

As Robbins points out, traditional workplace incentives and disincentives function as cues for employee decision-making:

• “Do ____, and you'll get a bonus.”
• “Don't do ____, or you'll get fired.”

This approach discourages employees from examining the reasons why a task may or may not make sense. It forces them to make quick, intuitive decisions based on behaviors the system has historically rewarded and punished. But there are sometimes uninvited consequences.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development for leaders at all levels? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders improve their ability to motivate employees to improve performance? Enlightened leaders need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “Am I able to motivate people to perform at high levels?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for leaders to improve their ability at motivating their workforce.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you learn how to tap into peoples’ passion. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call 415-546-1252.

Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com  

Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

 

 

Ten Tips to Deal with Difficult People

Dealing with Difficult People

Are you stressed out dealing with difficult people at work? If you are, then may benefit by learning some emotional intelligence interpersonal communication strategies.

The workplace is full of difficult people who can make your life miserable if you let them. Difficult people come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. They can be demanding and exhausting causing a great deal of distress for everyone involved. Interacting and dealing with these people can be a major cause of employee lack of engagement.

My coaching clients frequently share stories with me of how someone at work is difficult. We spend a lot of time mostly through asking powerful questions devising communication strategies that might be more effective. That old definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result applies. You have to learn to change your language and communication.

Interpersonal conflict in the workplace is common, and can be healthy if handled in the right way. However, a lot of my clients avoid dealing with difficult people because they don’t feel they have the power to do anything about the situation, don’t have the skills to resolve difficult interactions, or fear potential political consequences.

The following are some emotional intelligence tips that my executive coaching clients have found helpful when dealing with difficult people at their workplace.

1. Change Yourself: Attempting to control other people’s behavior usually doesn’t work. Change yourself in relation to them. Refocus your energy on experimenting with how to find more productive means of interaction.

2. Listen with Empathy: Listening actively with empathy to gain understanding.

3. Deal with Feelings: Elicit and acknowledge the other’s feelings regarding areas of conflict.

4. Challenge Perceptions: Discuss each other’s perceptions and look for opportunities to alter those perceptions. 

5. Reconcile Interests: Focus on each person’s needs, desires, concerns, and fears. Reconciling interests rather than positions works toward resolution.

6. Focus on the Problem, Not the Person: Work hard to understand what the actual problem is and generate possibilities for resolving it. Be careful about making assumptions about their behavior. Be respectful.

7. Reduce Reactivity: When faced with a difficult person we often react quickly. Take time to think and remain focused on identifying the real needs and interests of the other person and yourself. Take a deep breath and count to ten before engaging.

8. Use Conflict as a Resource: Conflict can be a first step to improving communication, solving a problem, and even building trust and cooperation. Avoiding conflict can be much more destructive in the workplace than facing it and dealing with it appropriately.

9. Practice Direct Communication: Use “I” statements and be clear about points of agreement. Use appropriate body language to show support and attention. Ask powerful problem-solving questions.

10. Create a Future Focus: Don’t promote your ideas but engage in a joint conflict resolution conversation.

Listening to and showing respect for the people we work with makes everyone happier. Focus on creating a fear-free, down-to-earth work environment that fosters creativity and energy. See reality clearly, but choose to address it positively. Perceive opportunities, not obstacles. Lead with values, optimism and fairness.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development for high potentials? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders improve their ability to communicate effectively and use influencing skills to resolve conflict? Leaders at all levels need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “Am I able to resolve conflict with difficult people?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for leaders who help their employees to improve their ability to influence others.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you become more interpersonally savvy at work. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call 415-546-1252.
Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com 
Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People – The Art of Listening

Dealing with Difficult People

Are you having trouble coping with difficult people where you work? If you are, then you probably have plenty of company. The workplace is full of difficult people who can make your life miserable if you let them.

Difficult people come in all shapes, sizes and distinct personalities. They can be demanding, controlling, and energy eaters. Remember the old adage “Misery loves company?” They are often unhappy and make everyone around them miserable.

Almost every day in my coaching practice someone shares a story with me of how someone at work is driving her up the wall. Some very good people have had it with the difficult individual and decide to quit their job.

Active Listening

Developing good listening skills is an art by which we use empathy to engage others. Passive attention doesn’t work. Not only is listening an active process, it often takes a deliberate effort to suspend our own needs and reactions. To listen well you must hold back what you have to say and control the urge to interrupt or argue. The art of listening requires a shift of focus from self to others. This is not always easy, especially when we are too interested in being right, and not truly open to the other person’s point of view.

Anytime you demonstrate a willingness to listen with a minimum of defensiveness, criticism, or impatience, you are giving the other person a gift of understanding. You then earn the right to have it reciprocated. Suspending your needs long enough to hear the other person out is part of willing yourself to listen.

Deep listening involves being assertive and not just accommodating to keep the peace. Fierce conversations require dealing with conflict, threats of rejection, arguments, or signs of distress in others. Listening well is often silent but never passive.

Emotionally intelligent and assertive communication is not achieved simply by taking turns talking, but requires a concerted effort at mutual understanding. A good way to promote understanding is to take time to restate the other person’s position in your own words then ask the other person to correct or affirm your understanding of her thoughts and feelings. If you work on this process of explicit feedback and confirmation until the other person has no doubt that you grasp her position, she will feel understood, and she will then be more open to hearing from you.

The simple failure to acknowledge what the other person says explains much of the tension in interactions with other people. Furthermore, you don’t have to be responsible for someone’s feelings to be aware of them and to acknowledge them. When two people keep restating their own positions without acknowledging what the other is trying to say, the result is dueling points of view.

Whether or not someone is really listening only that person truly knows. When someone does not feel listened to, she doesn’t feel listened to. We judge whether or not others are listening to us by the behavior we observe.

The next time you have an encounter with a difficult person, experiment with suspending judgment and listening for what might be behind the words. Asking some powerful questions and seeking to understand may reveal an opportunity to resolve a conflict and build a more productive relationship.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development for leaders at all levels? Does your company provide executive coaching to help leaders improve their listening skills, and be more effective at resolving conflict? Leaders at all levels need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “Am I a good listener?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for leaders who help their employees to improve their ability to influence others.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you get better at resolving interpersonal conflict and creating a healthy workplace culture. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call 415-546-1252.
Subscribe to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com 
Connect with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman

How to Deal with Difficult People at Work

Dealing with Difficult People

Are you struggling to cope with difficult people at work? If you are, then you are not alone. The workplace is full of difficult people who can make your life miserable if you let them.

Difficult people come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. They are demanding, often defensive, problematic and can drain all of your energy.  And those are just the respectful terms co-workers use when interacting and dealing with these people.

Hardly a day goes by in my coaching practice without someone sharing a story with me of how someone at work is driving her nuts and sapping their energy. Very often it’s their boss who they experience as being arrogant, condescending, and disrespectful or maybe even a bully. It may be a co-worker who is argumentative with a big ego and thinks he’s always right.

Healthy conflict

Interpersonal conflict in the workplace is normal, and can be healthy if handled in the right way. However, a lot of my clients avoid dealing with difficult people because they don’t feel they have the power to do anything about the situation, don’t have the skills to resolve difficult interactions, or fear potential political consequences.

Conflict at work is a normal and natural dynamic of employees interacting with one another. The cost of resolving conflict is small relative to the high cost of leaving conflicts unresolved. Unresolved conflict can be toxic to both people and organizations.

Unhealthy Conflict

Recent studies indicate that 30-40% of a manager’s daily activities are devoted to dealing with some form of interpersonal conflict. A manager’s inability to effectively deal with anger and conflict in the workplace may result in a large loss of productivity and adversely impact others who work there. Having to endure these conflicts without sufficient tools, resources or support, employees’ distress can get out of control.

Difficult behavior can inhibit performance in others and will only get worse if not addressed, affecting more people and incurring significant costs for the organization. It takes many forms like gossiping or not talking to or acknowledging co-workers. The culture of the organization can be adversely affected where there is a deafening silence as people suppress their emotions and stress levels increase.

Most conflict involving people at work revolve around unfulfilled needs, primarily the psychological need for control, recognition, affection, and respect. These needs are natural and quite human in that we all desire them.

Resolving Conflict

There is no magic pill but there are some proven emotional intelligence strategies to help change behavior in others. It doesn’t help to brand someone a problem or a jerk. We can work to prevent unproductive and negative behavior that leads to conflict.

The first step is self-awareness or tapping into your reactivity and knowing what story you are telling yourself about the person and situation. Do you know that it’s true? What’s the evidence? Could there be another side to the story? What are you experiencing emotionally? Maybe it’s fear, anger, hurt or unhappiness.

The next step is to engage the person whom you consider difficult. I’ve found the best approach is to stay calm, ask the offending person a powerful question with the intention of seeking to understand. It seems so simple, but can be so difficult to then listen deeply to what may be the other person’s different reality. It’s more akin to a coach approach of not making the person wrong. You want to encourage dialogue.

Inquire into the other person's thinking and feeling regarding the situation in order to improve understanding. Use coaching questions that start with the words, "what," or "how". “Why” questions can cause defensiveness. This will help the other person to give clarifying answers, which should help you to understand their interpretation and perspective.

Finally, it takes patience, perseverance and some assertiveness. Make a request of the other person. Ask for what you need to have a more productive working relationship. The other person can accept or reject your request or can make a counteroffer.

Take Positive Action

Practice some of these strategies with someone you find somewhat difficult, but not too unreasonable. Once you get more comfortable and achieve some success in behavior change move on to someone who is a bit more challenging.

Some of the most difficult people I have encountered in my executive coaching work have developed more productive relationships once underlying fears were explored and trust was established. It may seem surprising, but a number of coaching clients that are referred to me because of being difficult were unaware of how they were perceived by other people. There are always a few people who display such egregious behavior that other organizational recourse may be necessary. Seek organizational support.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development for leaders at all levels? Does your company provide executive coaching to help leaders improve their ability to effectively resolve conflict? Leaders at all levels need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “Am I effective at dealing with difficult people at work?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for leaders who help their employees to improve their ability to influence others.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you facilitate the resolution of interpersonal conflict.You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call 415-546-1252.
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