Ten Tips to Deal with Difficult People

Dealing with Difficult People

Are you stressed out dealing with difficult people at work? If you are, then may benefit by learning some emotional intelligence interpersonal communication strategies.

The workplace is full of difficult people who can make your life miserable if you let them. Difficult people come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. They can be demanding and exhausting causing a great deal of distress for everyone involved. Interacting and dealing with these people can be a major cause of employee lack of engagement.

My coaching clients frequently share stories with me of how someone at work is difficult. We spend a lot of time mostly through asking powerful questions devising communication strategies that might be more effective. That old definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result applies. You have to learn to change your language and communication.

Interpersonal conflict in the workplace is common, and can be healthy if handled in the right way. However, a lot of my clients avoid dealing with difficult people because they don’t feel they have the power to do anything about the situation, don’t have the skills to resolve difficult interactions, or fear potential political consequences.

The following are some emotional intelligence tips that my executive coaching clients have found helpful when dealing with difficult people at their workplace.

1. Change Yourself: Attempting to control other people’s behavior usually doesn’t work. Change yourself in relation to them. Refocus your energy on experimenting with how to find more productive means of interaction.

2. Listen with Empathy: Listening actively with empathy to gain understanding.

3. Deal with Feelings: Elicit and acknowledge the other’s feelings regarding areas of conflict.

4. Challenge Perceptions: Discuss each other’s perceptions and look for opportunities to alter those perceptions. 

5. Reconcile Interests: Focus on each person’s needs, desires, concerns, and fears. Reconciling interests rather than positions works toward resolution.

6. Focus on the Problem, Not the Person: Work hard to understand what the actual problem is and generate possibilities for resolving it. Be careful about making assumptions about their behavior. Be respectful.

7. Reduce Reactivity: When faced with a difficult person we often react quickly. Take time to think and remain focused on identifying the real needs and interests of the other person and yourself. Take a deep breath and count to ten before engaging.

8. Use Conflict as a Resource: Conflict can be a first step to improving communication, solving a problem, and even building trust and cooperation. Avoiding conflict can be much more destructive in the workplace than facing it and dealing with it appropriately.

9. Practice Direct Communication: Use “I” statements and be clear about points of agreement. Use appropriate body language to show support and attention. Ask powerful problem-solving questions.

10. Create a Future Focus: Don’t promote your ideas but engage in a joint conflict resolution conversation.

Listening to and showing respect for the people we work with makes everyone happier. Focus on creating a fear-free, down-to-earth work environment that fosters creativity and energy. See reality clearly, but choose to address it positively. Perceive opportunities, not obstacles. Lead with values, optimism and fairness.

Are you working in a professional services firm or other organization where executive coaches provide leadership development for high potentials? Does your organization provide executive coaching to help leaders improve their ability to communicate effectively and use influencing skills to resolve conflict? Leaders at all levels need to improve their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is “Am I able to resolve conflict with difficult people?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent organizations provide executive coaching for leaders who help their employees to improve their ability to influence others.

Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and Denison Culture Survey can help you become more interpersonally savvy at work. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.

About Dr. Maynard Brusman

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist and executive coach. He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent leaders.  Maynard is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.

For more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call 415-546-1252.
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