Rudeness in the Workplace
“These
may not be the best of times, and these may not be the worst of times, but for
sheer rudeness, these times beat the
dickens out of most times.” ~ Roger McElvey, “Mr.
Manners,” Men’s Health, May
1995
While leadership
development programs may promote social and emotional intelligence, we’re not
doing so well in our workplace interactions. A number of my executive coaching clients continue to share with me examples of conversations at work where people are disrespectful. Interpersonal conflict is natural, but we can disagree without being rude.
Over the last 14
years, thousands of workers have been polled on how they’re treated on the job
— and a whopping 98% have reported experiencing uncivil behavior. In 2011, half
said they were treated rudely at least once a week, up from 25% in 1998.
These
startling facts were published in “The Price of Incivility”, a January-February
2013 Harvard Business Review article
by Professors Christine Porath and Christine Pearson.
The Costs of
Incivility
Most
managers know incivility is wrong, but some fail to recognize its tangible
costs. Targets often punish their offenders and the organization, although most
hide or bury their feelings and don’t view themselves as vengeful.
After polling 800
managers and employees in 17 industries, Porath and Pearson learned how
people’s reactions play out. Among workers who have been on the receiving end
of incivility:
- 48%
intentionally decreased their work effort.
- 47%
intentionally decreased the time spent at work.
- 38%
intentionally decreased the quality of their work.
- 80%
lost work time worrying about the incident.
- 63%
lost work time avoiding the offender.
- 66%
said their performance declined.
- 78%
said their commitment to the organization declined.
- 12%
said they left their job because of the uncivil treatment.
- 25%
admitted to taking their frustration out on customers.
Incivility is
expensive, yet few organizations recognize or take action to curtail it. This
leads to several possible outcomes:
- Incivility chips away at the bottom line.
Nearly everyone who experiences workplace incivility responds negatively—in
some cases, with overt retaliation.
- Employees are less creative when they feel
disrespected. When they’re fed up, they leave.
- About half deliberately decrease their
efforts or lower the quality of their work.
- Customer relationships are damaged.
Rudeness Realities
Rudeness, whether verbal or
behavioral, greatly contributes to deteriorating team spirit and poor
performance.
Joel H. Neuman, director of the
Center for Applied Management at the State University of New York at New Paltz,
cites several common examples:
- Talking about someone behind his or her back
- Interrupting others when they’re speaking or
working
- Flaunting status or authority; acting in a
condescending manner
- Belittling someone’s opinion to others
- Being late to meetings; failing to return phone
calls or respond to memos
- Giving others the silent treatment
- Insults, yelling and shouting
- Verbal forms of sexual harassment
- Staring, dirty looks or other negative eye
contact
While it’s truly overbearing to work for a boss
who barks orders and belittles employees, most rude behaviors occur between
coworkers. The more subtle and malicious forms of rudeness include gossiping,
backstabbing, spreading rumors and sabotaging others’ work.
Poor Team
Spirit
Simply witnessing
incivility has negative consequences.
In one experiment,
people who had observed poor behavior performed 20% worse on word puzzles.
Witnesses to incivility were less likely than others to help out, even when a
colleague had no apparent connection to the uncivil act. Only 25% of those who
witnessed incivility volunteered to help (compared to 51% of those who saw
nothing).
Lower Creativity
People are 30% less
creative when they’re treated rudely, according to an experiment conducted by
Amir Erez, a University of Florida management professor. Subjects produced 25%
fewer ideas, and their suggestions tended to be less original. When asked about
uses for a brick, their responses were logical, but not particularly
imaginative: “Build a house,” “build a wall” and “build a school.” More
creative ideas originated from participants who had been treated civilly: “Sell
the brick on eBay,” “use it as a goalpost for a street soccer game,” “hang it
on a museum wall and call it abstract art” and “decorate it like a pet and give
it to a kid as a present.”
Rudeness Repels Customers
Consumers are
uncomfortable when exposed to rudeness, whether it’s waiters berating busboys
or managers criticizing store clerks. Disrespectful behavior causes many
patrons to walk out without making a purchase.
In one experiment,
half of the participants witnessed a bank representative publicly reprimanding
a peer for incorrectly handling credit-card information. Only 20% of those who
saw the encounter said they would use the bank’s services in the future
(compared with 80% of customers who didn’t see the interaction). And nearly
two-thirds of those who watched the exchange said they would feel anxious
dealing with any bank employee.
Managing Rudeness Is Expensive
Regardless of the
circumstances, people don’t like to see others treated badly. Besides the loss
of customers, there’s a cost associated with complaints among workers.
HR professionals say
that just one incident can soak up weeks of attention and effort. According to
a study conducted by Accountemps and reported in Fortune, managers and executives at Fortune 1000 firms spend 13% of
their work time, or 7 weeks a year, mending employee relationships and dealing
with incivility’s aftermath. And costs soar, of course, when consultants or
attorneys must be brought in to help settle a situation.
The Leadership Solution
The only way to prevent rudeness and incivility
is to change the way an organization approaches problems.
Leaders must be aware of the company’s culture:
Does it consciously or unconsciously allow for bad behavior? It’s the manager’s
job to set limits on work behavior, enforce standards and policies, and deal
with difficult employees in a positive way (early, so negative feelings cannot
fester).
Examine your organizational culture by checking
with the human resources department for complaints of unfair treatment or
stress and disability claims. Look for patterns within a department.
Rudeness and workplace incivility can be
responses to frustration, fear and uncertainty in high-stress work
organizations, especially in an era of downsizing, globalization, new
technologies, and economic recession. Stress can be mitigated by a healthy work
environment, where employees are trusted and treated with dignity. Studies show
that when people perceive the workplace as fair, they don’t act out.
What Leaders Can Do
Leaders can have a
tremendous positive (or negative) impact on the incidence of rudeness. Many
leaders are under extraordinary pressure to do more with less, which often
impacts their own well-being and tolerance levels. The two main strategies for
reducing rudeness are relatively straightforward:
- Stay
physically and mentally healthy.
- Model
the right behavior.
There has never been
a more important time for leaders to place priority on their own health.
Identify strategies that boost your energy level. Take stock of your purpose,
passions and positive strengths to become more robust and resilient.
Every person is
different, but common habits that improve resilience include regular exercise,
eating well and getting enough rest. It’s also essential to develop supportive
relationships and outside interests.
It can take constant
vigilance to keep the workplace civil. Let your guard down, and rudeness tends
to creep into everyday interactions. Incorporate the following strategies to
foster civility:
- Manage
Your Own Behavior. Leaders set the tone, so be aware of your
actions and how others perceive you. What you say and do is weighted and easily
magnified. Model good behavior (actions and words). In one survey, 25% of
managers who admitted to behaving badly said their leaders and role models were rude. If those who climb the
corporate ladder tolerate or embrace uncivil behavior, employees are likely to
follow suit. So, turn off your iPhone during meetings, pay attention to
questions, and follow up on promises.
- Express
Appreciation. People need to know they’re valued. Be alert
for what they do right, and let them know you’ve noticed their hard work and
progress. People become frustrated when their efforts go unrewarded, thereby
setting the stage for rudeness.
- Apply
the 5:1 Ratio. According to psychology researchers Barbara
Fredrickson and Marcel Losada, teams are most effective when they hear feedback
that is 5:1 positive to negative. Yet, work groups more often focus on what’s
wrong instead of what’s right. It’s not that leaders should be blind to
negative performance. They must, however, express 500% more appreciation than
criticism if they want to see progress.
- Recognize
Small Achievements. Making progress on meaningful work is the
most energizing and motivating event an information worker can experience, note
Teresa Amabile and Steven Kramer in The
Progress Principle: Using Small Wins to Ignite Joy,
Engagement, and Creativity at Work (Harvard
Business Review Press, 2011). Effective leaders acknowledge even small improvements on a regular
basis. This means employees must understand their exact roles within your
company.
- Establish
a Positive Culture. Employees with a positive mood are 31% more
productive, sell 37% more and are 300% more creative, notes business consultant
Shawn Achor in “Positive Intelligence”
(Harvard Business Review, February
2012). Create a positive mood by supporting physical activity:
walking meetings or flexible work hours that allow for daily exercise.
Communication Is Only a Starting Point
Don’t let outwardly
positive communications mask rudeness. Positivity can be misused when an
overemphasis on political correctness means issues are brushed aside.
Open communications
must allow for dissent and reality-based conversations. Negative comments
should be aired, but only in effective ways. Point out mistakes to clear the
way for progress and appreciation, but be aware of your tone and word choices.
The one statement
that best predicts employee engagement is “I have a supervisor or someone at
work who seems to care about me as a person,” reveals Gallup research. A
genuine interest in your direct reports encourages them to give their best.
Create group norms
for how people should handle negative and positive behaviors. Share effective
ways to give feedback and hold each other accountable.
Rudeness can’t
survive in a culture with norms for handling errors. Achieve desired behaviors
by teaching people how to express their opinions in a civil manner.
Civility can, indeed,
be taught. As a leader or manager, you’re frequently teaching it in real time
by modeling suitable behaviors. You may also benefit from working with an
executive coach or mentor with experience in leadership development.
Are you working in a company where executive coaches
provide leadership development to grow emotionally intelligent leaders? Does your organization provide executive coaching for
leaders who need to inspire a collaborative vision? Sustainable leaders tap
into their emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills to create a
more fulfilling future.
One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself
is “Does our company culture consciously or unconsciously allow rudeness in the
workplace?” Emotionally intelligent and socially intelligent
organizations provide executive coaching as part of their transformational high
performance leadership development program.
Working with a seasoned executive coach and leadership
consultant trained in emotional intelligence and incorporating assessments such
as the Bar-On EQ-I, CPI 260 and
Denison Culture Survey can help your leaders be aware of the company’s culture,
and if consciously or unconsciously it allows for bad behavior. You can become a leader who models emotional intelligence
and social intelligence, and who inspires people to become fully engaged with
the vision, mission and strategy of your company or law firm.
Working Resources is a San
Francisco Bay Area Executive Coaching Firm Helping Innovative Companies Assess, Select, Coach
and Retain Emotionally Intelligent Leaders; Strategic Talent Management;
Leadership Development; Competency Modeling; Succession Management; and
Leadership & Team Building Retreats
About Dr. Maynard
Brusman
Dr. Maynard Brusman
is a consulting psychologist, executive coach and trusted advisor to senior
leadership teams.
He is the president of Working Resources, a leadership consulting and executive
coaching firm. We specialize in helping San Francisco Bay Area companies and
law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent
leaders. Maynard is a highly
sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates leadership retreats in
Northern California and Costa Rica. The Society for Advancement of Consulting
(SAC) awarded Dr. Maynard Brusman "Board Approved" designations in
the specialties of Executive Coaching and Leadership Development.
For
more information, please go to http://www.workingresources.com, write to [email protected], or call
415-546-1252.
Subscribe
to Working Resources Newsletter: http://www.workingresources.com
Visit Maynard's Blog: http://www.workingresourcesblog.com
Connect
with me on these Social Media sites.
http://twitter.com/drbrusman
http://www.facebook.com/maynardbrusman
http://www.linkedin.com/in/maynardbrusman
http://www.youtube.com/user/maynardbrusman
Recent Comments